


till i'm breathless, hopeless

by wakemeup



Category: X Factor (US) RPF
Genre: AU, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-12-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 10:43:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1055843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakemeup/pseuds/wakemeup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A complete AU: Lauren Jauregui is a professor at the University of Higher Education who specializes in studying the special transformation that each human being goes through when they meet their soulmate. Her own eyes have yet to change from grey, but will they ever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue:**

 

“You grew up like this. Everyone does.

 

Your acceptance for it grew as you did and you learned that this _connection_  that your parents and your aunts and uncles have is very very real. I am here to reinforce that history. I am here with you to theorize, to contemplate the bond that holds us irrevocably to another.

 

Does anyone know what the true name for it is?” She waits patiently for one of her students to raise their hands. She points at a fair skinned girl at the back of the lecture hall. She stands up to respond.

 

“I’m not exactly sure, but is it it ταίρι?”

 

“No, not exactly, but here lets backtrack a little bit.” She takes a few steps forward, making the class sit up more. “Quickly, all of you shout out your ages.” She immediately hears a resounding twenty one, nineteen, twenty, and a few eighteens.

 

“Okay, okay. So, I mostly heard twenty one. Now, most of you, almost all of you have gone through the **αλλαγή (allagí̱)**. Now, you do know that all of the keywords that will be used in reference will be in greek because that is where are origins are.” She pauses and smiles at her students.

 

“Back to the **allagí̱**. What is it?” She turns around to begin writing on the electronic pad that projects her scribbles onto the large board behind her. She writes “ **allagí̱** : the shift we undergo when we meet our ‘ **σύντροφος** ’ ( **sýntrofos** ) or mate, soulmate. It’s the transformation, or the further bonding that happens” Turning around she looks at the boy in her front row.

 

“You.” He points at himself as if to confirm and she laughs a little before nodding.

 

“Yes, ma’am?”

 

“You can all call me professor. Or Lauren, or whatever, but please for the love of the gods, not ma’am.” The class laughs and the boy, who she knows is actually named Timothy, blushes. “What color are your **sýntrofos** ’ eyes?”

 

“Hers are a light shade of blue.”

 

“When did you go through **allagí̱**?”

 

Timothy looks at her as if contemplating his answer. “We went through it at fifteen.” Lauren raises her eyebrows.

 

“Well, how about you?” She points to another student in the back, another boy, his name Jake.

 

“My eyes changed at twenty.” She nods.

 

“Can anyone tell me what color my eyes are?” She points at her own eyes and laughs at the way the class almost looks _scared_  to answer her.

 

“I won’t be insulted.”

 

“They’re grey.” A younger girl, Anna, one of the eighteen year olds who also has grey eyes replies.

 

“Can anyone tell me why?”

 

“You haven’t gone through allagí̱.” Anna replies once again.

 

“You’re right.”

 

“Now, someone guess my age!” She laughs at the way they all sort of duck their heads. “I’m not going to be insulted, you guys.”

 

“Twenty five.” A boy from the middle yells. She purses her lips, “Twenty four and three quarters my friends.” She smiles at the shock in everyones face. She’s young for her career. A professor who specializes in **allagí̱** and the origins.

 

“I am above the normal age. Most people find their **sýntrofos** by their twenty second birthday.” She turns around and smiles as she begins to write on the pad again.

 

“Does anyone know the story of our origins?” She begins to scribble down the ideas her students throw out there. Things from the gods and souls and even the bible. She waits a good ten minutes and half a board of ideas before deciding to begin speaking again.

 

“Good ideas. A lot of them are from the myths you might have been told growing up. The real story is a combination of everything. Our history. The history or theory behind **allagí̱** is, surprise!, based on the Greeks. Story goes that we all were created as a whole, imagine one circle---” She draws a circle before drawing a single line through it, “---split into two.” That’s why our words are of greek origin.” She continues on.

 

“The Chinese have Ying and Yang, the story of the red string of fate and how everyone is connected to another soul.” Lauren’s smile is bright as she continues her introduction to her favorite class.

 

“We were made to be connected to another. We are not complete till we’ve gone through **allagí̱** Till we’ve found our **sýntrofos**.”

 

She looks at each student before finishing; “Our eyes change from grey to their ‘true’ color the moment we look into our soul mates, our partner, our companion, our other half, our **sýntrofos** ’ eyes.”

 

She can’t help the smile that forms on her face when the students all scribble down the notes she’s written on the board.

 

“Next week, we’ll discuss why or how we could’ve been made this way and what it means for our lives.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1:

 

Her mother, hers are green, a darker shade, but a shade of green nonetheless. Beautiful, she thinks. Now, her father, his are a deep shade of brown.

 

She used to think that it was a good thing ---that’s what everyone was taught.

 

As she got older, though, she heard some stories. Most are good, her own parents a perfect example of the “system” working. 

 

Her eyes have yet to change from the grey that everyone is born with to the ‘true’ color that they are. It’s a good thing, she used to think. She remembers herself at seventeen year old, truly enamored by science and history. Enamored by allagí̱ and sýntrofos. The history of mankind and the strange way that they were created.

 

Two people, one soul. Physiology connected. The sýntrofos’s are bonded and once they’ve gone through the change, the allagí̱, they heal one another. They are literally in sync with one another. Their hearts beat at the same pace, they die at the same time. If illness were to ever befall one, they would be able to heal one another. The bond is so strong, emotionally, physically, that it cannot be broken.

 

So, when Lauren hit eighteen she immediately began her education on the subject and got herself here. She got herself a position as a professor and does her research through the University of Higher Education.

 

She’s professional enough, done enough research and tests with her colleagues to now understand that there is a very thin film covering her eyes. They hide the true color of her pupils from the world. This film is broken when an overwhelming dose of adrenaline, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and lastly, but most importantly, vasopressin. Once these chemicals are released, the brain is almost overwhelmed with what we identify as happiness and somehow, the film is lifted and that is how one knows who their sýntrofos is. 

 

She's also aware that some people (rare cases) find their sýntrofos and lose them somehow. Lauren has no idea what that could interpret to.

 

This comes from how they were all first made. Now, everyone knows that once you’ve found them you’re gifted with the connection that you receive.

 

Lauren hasn’t found hers. She is twenty four and she isn’t worried, not yet anyways. Mostly because she knows that they are built to find one another and they will, some day. What worries her are the nightmares that haven’t stopped for a month.

 

She’s always been focused, but these nightmares are dark and they’re very distinctly colorless. She wants to even translate that colorlessness, that blankness into absolute meaninglessness, but she knows not to ignore it, knows that it’s meant to mean /something/, although she doesn’t quite know what.

 

Once again her interest in science and physiology, coupled with her interest in history propels her to research and ask her colleagues, her close friends about what it could possibly be.

 

For now, she really hopes that these nightmares don’t correlate to her sýntrofos. Tonight, she knows that she’ll try to sleep peacefully, but unsuccessfully. She always sends a prayer to the gods that everything is going to be okay----that her sýntrofos, wherever they may be, are okay.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Try to wake her up now.”

 

“I’ve tried. She’s not moving.”

 

“Should we go get someone?” The older woman asks the man next to her quietly.

 

"I'll go get her doctor." He responds. Camila doesn't know how long passes, but she hears a sliding of the doors again before who she knows is Normani speak.

 

“Oh she's okay. Just give her a moment. I’ve been with her nearly a month now, it takes her a little while.” Camila blinks her eyes slowly, they feel heavy. She’s reminded by the coats and white walls, the clear glass on one end of the room and the wires and tubes attached to her exactly where she is.

 

She smiles, her white teeth covering up the dull pain she feels due to the headache and ache she has throughout her body.

 

“How’re you today?” Camila blinks rapidly as if to clear the haziness in her eyes, yet to take notice of the people behind her doctor.

 

“I’m okay.” Okay being that she can't feel much. That was the problem. She feels too numb. Normani says that by shorthand whatever she has is some sort of imbalance in her body. That she lacks things that she needs. Camila isn't a doctor, she hates science. She doesn't understand why she's stuck here or anything, but she misses the air outside and singing. She misses singing and dancing and the recklessness of being outside of this place.

 

“Your vitals are okay, just a little bit low.” Camila just nods in response to the doctor and nurse in front of her, Dr. Kordei has been with her from the start. Doctors here are charged with looking out for rare cases that can't or aren't being fixed by the natural bond between sýntrofos. In most cases, almost all of them, humans don't need medical attention because they are naturally healed by the bond.

Normani writes something down on her notepad before checking Camila's eyes, still grey.

 

“Any news doc?” Camila smiles at the dark skinned woman, her eyes are a deep brown, a stark contrast to Camila’s grey.

 

“Well, your family got permission to visit today.” Camila’s smile is genuine then. Normani knows she’s not supposed to get too close to her patients, but Camila’s case is one that’s gotten the entire medical community scratching their heads and she just has a really soft spot for her. Camila is a rare case because she has a very serious chemical imbalance, one that Normani and the rest of the consulting doctors have no idea how to fix.

 

“They’re actually here.” The young doctor steps aside so that Camila's eyes can focus on the people standing near the door. She smiles once again before getting up slowly, with Normani’s help.

 

“It’s kinda shitty to be twenty-three and not be able to really get up on my own.” Camila says.

 

“It’s also shitty that I’m twenty three and have to get up on my own.” Normani replies, laughing.

 

"Mamí." The older version of Camila, Sinu, steps forward to wrap her daughter in a tight hug. Her father following to do the same afterwards. "How're you, honey?"

 

"Doing pretty well." She lies easily. Normani stays to supervise the visit, she's also gotten to know the girl's family well.

 

"Where's Sofi?" Sinu looks at her husband, with a smile before turning to Camila.

 

"Sofi found her sýntrofos." Camila's eyes widen dramatically before she looks to her dad for confirmation.

 

"That's amazing! Congrats!" Normani inserts before hugging the elder couple.

 

"She's over at his house now." Alejandro supplements as to why the youngest Cabello isn't present.

 

"Sofi's fourteen and she's found her sýntrofos before I have?" Camila says, not jealously, but rather comically.

 

"Karla, it happens when it's supposed to." Sinu replies, knowing her daughter worries about it often, especially with what's going on now.

 

"Maybe I'm not meant to have one." Camila mumbles.

 

"You'd have violet eyes from the start. It's really really rare." Normani offers.

 

"Speaking of sýntrofos, how's yours? Last time I saw her she was still as lively as ever." Alejandro asks the doctor.

 

"She's good, she'll be in to see Camila later. She was ranting on about making you cookies last night." Normani rolls her eyes at her Ally's antics. She can barely keep up with the petite woman as is, but whenever she has a boost of energy it's either a really long night for Normani, or a lot of baking. Either way, the doctor benefits.

 

"Awesome." Camila smiles weakly. Normani suppresses the urge to frown at the way Camila is so quickly getting tired after just waking up. The dark skinned doctor hopes to figure out what is wrong with the younger girl soon, her health so quickly declining.

 

"I'm not actually mad. I just want that already. Maybe then I wouldn't be so sick." Camila mumbles as she fights off sleep.

 

"They'll find you soon enough, honey." Sinu replies.

 

"Let's hope they're as beautiful as you." Alejandro says as his daughter's eyes flutter shut.

 

"They are."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"Seriously guys, work with me here."

 

"I did the reading I swear." Anne replies as she tries to please her professor.

 

"Think guys!" Lauren frustratingly taps the desk in front of her.

 

"It was the Zeus, wasn't it?"

 

"Yes!" Lauren throws up her hands in happiness.

 

"The humans started off having four arms, four legs, two heads, and two faces. We were made this way; until Zeus thought that the humans had way too much power, that they were beginning to become entirely too entitled and thought themselves to be as close to perfect as the gods themselves were." Lauren says as she writes the notes on the same pad as she always does, projecting her scribbles onto the board. "Does anyone know what happens next?" She points to her Tom in the front row.

 

"He splits them all up. Separating one whole into two, left to find their counterpart on their own."

 

"Right." Lauren nods in affirmation. "This 'myth' or 'history' is why the bond is so strong. Like I explained last class, the bond causes our eyes to change, but who can tell me what else changes?" She scans her eyes over the group of students, no one raising their hands in suggestion. She knows she's being more agitated than normal, but the lack of sleep is affecting her ability to teach.

 

"Okay, well, I know you know." She points at one of her students who's clearly gone through allagí̱. "What did you experience?"

 

"My eyes changed, as did my sýntrofos, and then we started having dreams." Lauren smiles at her student.

 

"What kind of dreams?" She inquires, clearly leading the class into the next topic.

 

"We dreamed about each other. Mostly our past. Like our pasts together from our past lives."

 

"Right, so that happened and then what?"

 

"It was like that for a couple weeks, my parents said that that was normal. I was told to wait to kiss her until the last night of dreams and that I would know when that was." Lauren nods and begins to jot down more notes for the class.

 

"Those dreams are exactly what James just explained. They're dreams of your past life. We're clearly all reborn once we die and we then have to find our sýntrofos. Once we do, we're gifted with the ability to remember our past together. This usually takes a few weeks. Everyone is told how it works from when they're young, because some people find their sýntrofos at a very young age. So you kiss once the dreams are done. No one really understands why, but it's more of an urge. Some people will make love, usually the younger you are the more innocent that physical connection will be."

 

"Anyone know any other physical benefits we receive once we've completed allagí̱?"

 

"You." She points and begins to jot down what her student says.

 

"You have some sort of physical connection. Like when you're sick your sýntrofos heals you."

 

"That's a simple way to explain it." Lauren moves as if to begin explaining it, but is cut off by the bell.

 

Lauren sits down in her chair to stare at her board as the students begin to file out.

 

"How was class?" Lauren turns her attention to the entrance of the room, startled by the the appearance of someone else.

 

"You could be normal and knock or something, Kordei."

 

"I could, yes, but then I wouldn't get to see you startled." Normani smiles as she approaches Lauren's desk.

 

"What is it that could have possibly gotten you to come all the way to the University?"

 

"A case, actually." Normani drops a file on Lauren's desk.

 

"I could've came to you for this." Lauren mumbles as she skims through the papers within the folder.

 

"I figured I'd come here because it's kind of urgent."

 

"This is the Cabello case, is it?" Lauren asks.

 

"Yeah, I'm sure you've heard about it already, but I'm at a loss here. Everything I've thought of just hasn't been working."

 

"It's an odd case, we've never seen it before, so don't be too hard on yourself." Lauren says as she reads the most recent stats on the girl's health.

 

"I'm not being hard on myself, I just need her to get better. It'd help if she had her sýntrofos with her." Normani says wistfully.

 

"If only it was that easy." Lauren says as she takes a few more moments to read over the details of the case. Normani only ever consults her when she thinks that it has something to do with allagí̱ rather than the medical or scientific side of things. She's already read a lot about the case since it has been a hot topic for the past few weeks.

 

"Any ideas, Lolo?"

 

"Well, start by not calling me that."

 

"I do it adoringly."

 

"Mani-bear." Lauren replies cheekily.

 

"Only Ally calls me that."

 

"For good reason, it's disgustingly cute."

 

"Any ideas, genius?"

 

"Well, I don't know. I have been thinking about it and I know you think it has more to do with the transformation than anything else, but I think it has more to do with exactly what she's lacking. Like the chemicals."

 

"We've thought of that, but there are a lot of repercussions. We don't want her to get hooked on anything." Normani replies back.

 

"What have you thought of giving her exactly?"

 

"Dopamine and adrenaline." Normani replies, thinking about to what her and the other doctors spoke about.

 

"Why don't you try something different. Instead of giving her those drugs in heavier doses, give her a little of each of the drugs we know have to do with allagí̱."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"I mean, I just mean that you've tried giving her those two in small doses, you should try working all five chemicals in, but in minor doses consecutively."

 

"Won't that be dangerous? I mean we'd basically be inducing the transformation." Normani replies, the idea sounding tempting, but not willing to risk Camila's health.

 

"I don't think so. We're all aware that the allagí̱ only happens when there's a large dosage of each of those chemicals. I think making her body think that it's happening will allow her to heal more than she has been. Then again, we've never heard of a case like this before."

 

"I'll talk to Ally about it tonight."

 

"Sounds good, I really do hope that it works somehow." Lauren says, resting her hand over her best friend's. "Oh! How is Ally?"

 

"She's good. We're doing great." Normani and Ally had met only a few years back, but played a huge role in Lauren's own life.

 

"Is it as great as it's made out to be, Mani?" Lauren asks, a sad smile in place.

 

"It really is." Normani wishes the gods would work faster and that things like fate existed so that her best friend could somehow find comfort, the same comfort and completeness that she herself feels with Ally.

 

"Has everything been okay, Laur?"

 

"I suppose. Classes are going well enough and things are stable." Normani sees right through it, mostly because she's grow up with Lauren and can see a lie from miles away.

 

"Don't hide things from me."

 

"You're obnoxious."

 

"I was born to annoy you."

 

"I'm going to sick Ally on you."

 

"Don't you dare." Normani's eyes narrow at Lauren's. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

 

"I just haven't been sleeping."

 

"Why not?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"Has this been happening a lot?"

 

"Sort of, just the past few weeks."

 

"You should come into the facility. Get checked out and stuff." Normani suggests.

 

"It's nothing serious." Lauren replies, hating the thought of worrying anyone.

 

"I know, but that's how Camila's case started." Normani mumbles.

 

"I know, but lets just hope it has nothing to do with that."

  


 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> go back on tumblr and reblog this or give me a kudos or leave me a comment or something okay? ily
> 
> also what do you think will happen if normani does give camila the chemicals lauren suggest?!?!!?!??!!?!
> 
> okay ily a lot so much bye
> 
> p.s if anything is unclear about this world i'm creating please comment or message me and tell me because it's important that i'm clear and that you understand


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2:

 

"I don't know, babe."

 

"I don't either, but what other option do we have? There's no pretense to run on here." Normani shakes her head in frustration and lays across her coach, her head resting on her wife's lap.

 

"I understand that, but we don't want to do something that could be fatal in any way." Ally cautions back. She understands the demand and urgency in Camila's situation, having seen how weak the younger girl was feeling when she had checked in on her yesterday. Her instincts tell her that what the younger girl is going through is as close to a 'depression' that their community has ever seen. It's almost as though she's not able to produce any 'happy' chemicals on her own, which is extremely worrisome.

 

"I don't want to rule this option out, love." Normani says, sitting up slowly so that she's sitting facing the shorter girl, knees touching. She grabs Ally's hands and folds them gently into hers. "Why can't she just be cured? This is ridiculous."

 

"I don't know, but you'll figure it out."

 

"If I do this, will you be behind me? I'm going to need your smarts too, y'know?" Normani asks lightly, although the meaning behind it heavy. She leans forward to rest her forehead on Ally's. She sees the light brown eyes she got to see that very first moment, the ones she's meant to connect with for as long as they're alive and into their next lives. She feels the assurance before her wife even says 'yes' and leans forward to kiss her gently.

 

"We'll start tomorrow, then."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"It's a few milliliters of each, consecutively."

 

"So when you do this am I going to be asleep?" Camila inquires, already feeling tired despite waking up just a moment ago.

 

"I think that might be best since you're feeling tired a lot more often, plus we don't want to put a strain on your body from having all of those chemicals in you at once, even if they're small." Ally supplements since Normani is checking her vitals before they do anything.

 

"When are you guys planning to do it?" The young patient asks, fighting back a yawn.

 

"We can do it now, actually. We just wanted to wait till it was about your regular dinner time and since you've already ate we could do it now." Normani responds, looking at her wife for confirmation.

 

"If I die will you guys tell my family thank you for everything?" Camila asks, she does it with the slightest smile, as if to hint that she's joking, but Ally doesn't smile back because there's a seriousness there that shouldn't be. Camila won't die.

 

"We're going to start now okay? Go ahead and sleep." Normani says softly, calling in an assistant with the syringes already lined up.

 

"Okay, she's asleep." Normani says out loud once everything she needs is in the room. She sends off a message through the facilities e-board and waits till the room fills up slightly with her colleagues. Part of her wishes she could've invited Lauren, but she knows her best friend needs all the rest she can get.

 

"What are you theorizing will happen once you've injected all five?" Normani looks to Dr.Thompson who had asked the question. His dark brown scraggly hair hanging over his eyes.

 

"That her vitals will rise, obviously. We just want to trick her body into believing that it's going through allagí̱. Just enough for her to start recovering. It's temporary, but it's better than her getting worse tomorrow." Normani nods her head once she finishes speaking.

 

"First we'll start with the adrenaline." Normani takes the syringe from the assistant's hands and injects it into the IV that's attached to Camila's left arm. She takes the next syringe from the assistant's hands and waits exactly sixty seconds before injecting the dopamine. She repeats the process with the serotonin, oxytocin, and then the vasopressin.

 

As soon as Normani finishes injecting the oxytocin into the IV Camila's heart rate picks up and all the doctors wait patiently as they continue to watch Camila's reaction to the injected drugs. Ally stands beside Normani, hand on her waist to provide more comfort to her wife, professionalism aside.

 

"Shit." Ally shouts as Camila's eyes open, the sweat on her forehead evident, but one thing clear.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"I know it's late, but keep your eyes open for this lecture, please!" Lauren laughs as a few students nod their heads in affirmation.

 

"So, like I was saying, we need to look into why we aren't all immortal, since theoretically, if we can heal one another we shouldn't be able to die, right?" Students nod again and Lauren just thanks the gods that she only has this night class once a week.

 

"I'll refrain from asking you all questions so that this class will be as painless as possible." She almost wants to laugh (or walk out) at the wave of relief that passes through her students.

 

"Alright!" She claps her hands and proceeds. "Dopamine sensors do not regenerate. Once you run out, you're done. You and your sýntrofos will run out at the same time. The general range is between ninety and one---" Lauren cuts off, grasping her head.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Camila is aware that there's a surge of something really really similar to the way she feels when she thinks about her family. Her body is buzzing, and there's a burst of light behind her eyes that contains more color than she's ever seen at once.

 

Her body is buzzing, humming, she can't exactly feel it: in the sense that she's physically aware, but her mind and her nerves are on edge and she feels as though she's in a fray. She knows she's in a somewhat unconscious state and wonders if this is the sort of dream she'll have during treatment, she hopes so, because this is beautiful.

 

The colors solidify themselves into shapes and Camila’s certain that she’s seeing the old theater her mother used to take her to as a child. It’s located right near the University, it’s distinct gold archways and rich red curtains clear in her mind. The theater was so close to the University due to the fact that the University itself was the exact center of the capitol. One of the many, but in the world’s eyes, the strongest. Each country had precisely one capitol and each maintained the important features that a country would need. A theater, a University, a governmental complex, and any sort of aid that would be useful to the people.

 

The theater portrayed the arts and the arts were rich in each generation. Camila was taken to the theater every Thursday night for a show, whether it be ballet, a play, or a musician of some sort, Sinu made sure that her daughter was there.

The theater was Camila’s favorite second home. Now, whatever this dream or state that she was in had brought her here and she was fully aware of the surroundings that she was given. The gold arches are still the awe inducing entrances to the theater, balconies are still lofted stories high, and the stage is still as huge as it ever looked to her as a child.

 

She slowly moves forward, down the aisle and around the orchestra pit to the stairs and begins climbing them. Before she got sick she was close to securing a spot in one of the musicals, one that would have had one of the main slots during the holiday season. She was meant to sing, she wanted to sing.

 

Plays and music were written by the few violet eyes that existed, and by those who focused on the myths that they all knew of the gods. Heartbreak did not exist, except in the rare case of violet eyes, those who didn’t have a sýntrofos. Channeling the emotions that they felt from being alone was almost like their purpose in the world, even more heartbreaking was their recognition of the past life, the one when they had lost their sýntrofos. They stood as the few reminders that love could be lost, and when it was, it hurt.

 

Her mother had brought her the news of the play’s plot and Camila had immediately, eagerly auditioned. She sang her favorite song, the song her mother sang her when she was feeling sad. She was too young to understand the fact that it was indeed a ‘love song,’  one written and played out by a famous ‘violet’ and sung by musicians who he felt could accurately portray it. Camila learned to love the history behind each song she sung, knowing that someone had felt that pain, knowing that she would never have to.

 

  
_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_   


_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

  
_Stuck_ in _reverse_  


_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

 

Closing her eyes she sits on the stage, remembering her mother. The song doesn’t bring sadness, as much as it does hope. She fiddles with her fingers as she intakes air to sing the chorus.

 

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

 

She stops suddenly as a voice had join her own. Turning suddenly she’s met with grey eyes---eyes that were sparkling into green, but----

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“She’s not responding.”

 

“Try and wake her!” Lauren’s eyes flutter open as she hears her students shouting loudly. She almost screams at them to quiet down, but the pounding in her head is worse than all she’s felt from her nightmares combined.

 

“Help her sit up.” She recognizes Anne’s voice and almost thanks her for it, but she’s immediately met with all her students looking at her very shocked.

 

“Your eyes are specked green.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fdsafhkdaslhfdsahfads  
> hfdlsajfhdskahfsad
> 
> MORE TO COME, kudos, comment, message me! I really loved the last comments I got!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3:

 

“Your eyes are specked green.”

 

“What in Hades are you talking about?” Lauren almost yells back at her student before she sees one of them fumbling with their phones before she’s seeing her face reflected back at her. She blinks before seeing specks of green through the surface of grey. Her eyes aren’t fully green, but it’s clear that there’s something going on here.

 

“Someone call the medic, I need to be taken to the medical facility that Normani Kordei is at. The one on the edge of center-city.”

 

“Okay.” Anne just nods, knowing that that’s probably what’s best for her professor then.

 

“Not even ten minutes later, Lauren is riding in the back of an ambulance, too scared to drive her own vehicle due to the shaky nature her hands are in, and the random black out.

 

As she’s exiting the ambulance, the medics immediately bring her straight to the sector that Normani works in since they’re aware that they are friends and that something is wrong. She’s told to just wait as they go call upon Normani because she has a procedure going on.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Dr. Kordei! Professor Lauren Jauregui is waiting in room twenty one.” Normani’s eyes widen in surprise when a medic from the Emergency sector shows up at Camila’s room to personally inform her of it, he had done so discretely, as if no one else was aware.

 

She doesn’t immediately run out the door because she’s still dealing with Camila, who has yet to wake from her stupor.

 

“Ally, love.” Normani pulls her wife aside to speak to her privately, not wanting to attract more attention than needed. She doesn’t speak immediately, she just takes in the moment with her wife, her sýntrofos. She lays her hand over Ally’s wrist and her thumb lays over the petite girl’s pulse. Ally does the same, knowing Normani needs to feel her pulse and her heart under the chaos, knowing that their hearts quite literally beat at the same pace.

 

“Yes?” Ally felt the rush of fear Normani had more than she had heard what was going on. Now, she feels a sense of calmness she hadn’t felt before and she knows that their connection does that, she’s thankful for it everyday.

 

“Can you take care of checking Camila’s vitals in a few minutes. Check her eyes, too, I just have a bad feeling. Lauren’s in the facility and I don’t have a clue as to why. I’ll send a message when I do, also do the same if there are any anomalies with Camila.” Ally nods before kissing Normani’s hand as a sign of affection and Normani sends back a soft smile.

 

Normani steadily makes her way into the elevator and down the hall to where one of the in-patient rooms are. Taking a deep breath she pushes through the door of room twenty one.

 

“Laur---” Normani begins before cutting off once she sees the tears in Lauren’s eyes and the glistening specks of green beneath them. “Shit.”

 

“What in Hades happened?” Normani rushes over to stand in front of her best friend.

 

“I don’t know, one moment I was lecturing and the next thing I knew I was seeing this beautiful girl singing and then I was up again in front of my students and trying to figure out what was going on.” Lauren shakes her head and tries to wipe away the tears that have escaped her eyes.

 

“A girl?”

 

“Her eyes were kind of like mine, but brown and we were at the old theater in center city and she was singing that song that we used to sing when we were scared that no one would come along, _fix you_ , and she was just so beautiful, Mani.”

 

“Hold on.” Normani eyebrows furrow before she quickly takes out the pad in her coat pocket and types a message to her wife before turning to look back at Lauren.

 

“I think I know who your sýntrofos is.” Lauren’s mouth drops open before she begins to cry again.

 

“Lauren, it’s going to be okay.” Lauren just nods in agreement, the tears stinging in the best way possible, she’s relieved. From the moment she had woken up and her students had panicked, to arriving here and waiting for Normani she had been in a panic herself. The dream or whatever it had been, had left some sort of imprint and her heart was still beating fast. She had found someone, found _her_  and had lost her in that same time.

 

She had seen so many colors divulge into this rich red and then the theater she had only had the pleasure of attending a few times was within her sight. A beautiful woman on the stage, her back facing her, was singing her heart and Lauren could feel it so intensely that she sung along as well, too captivated to realize that she had been.

 

The woman had turned around so fast that Lauren was shocked, but the moment their eyes had locked she knew that this was more than a dream, but in the next moment she had been pulled away and back to her lecture hall.

 

Normani watched as Lauren had fell into quiet thoughts and the crying subsided. She waits, anxiously for her wife to message her back on the facilities e-mail. And as soon as she hears a ping she swipes open the message to read; _Her eyes are specked brown, the grey is still somewhat there, the chemicals did induce allagí̱ to some extent._

 

The darker girl grabbed Lauren’s hand immediately and began sprinting down the hall and back up the elevator. the other girl catching her breath only when Normani pulled her in front of a door and told her to wait a second.

 

Normani rushed into the room and looked at Ally before looking around at the other doctors. “I need everyone to leave, now. We’ll meet in two hours to re-access on this case, but for now, I need to get Camila the best help she can get.”

 

They all look to Normani, before nodding, trusting her ability and her judgement, as this is her case.

 

She opens the door and watches as the doctors all exit, leaving the room empty besides Ally, Camila, and Normani. As the last doctor walks out, Normani nods for Lauren to come in. Lauren does and the moment she lays her eyes on Camila she feels her heart race once again. She feels tears come to her eyes, again. She feels her fingers itch to touch and she feels like her heart is breaking at the frail state that the younger girl was in.

 

“Is she?”

 

“Camila’s just in a coma, induced because we weren’t sure what would happen if the drugs had hit her while she was awake, since she was weak anyways.” Ally responds, knowing that Normani was too intent on studying the brilliant green that Lauren’s eyes were because of the lack of grey.

 

Lauren begins sobbing, the emotions being too much. Normani holds her and walks her to the chair beside Camila’s own and leaves her hand on Lauren’s shoulder.

“You’re going to stay here with her, I’ll make sure no one disturbs you guys and I’ll have a cot pulled in. I’m going to take her off the barbiturate drug that we used to induce the coma and she’ll wake up in the next couple of hours.” Normani says, looking at Ally who nods in confirmation. The smaller girls begins to do as Normani had said.

 

“Your eyes are fully green now, Lo.” Ally says, catching Lauren’s eyes and smiling at her. “This is your sýntrofos.”

 

Lauren smiles past the pain she feels at looking at her love like this, not knowing what to do, but knowing that her presence alone will help. She doesn’t even want to see what her own eyes look like, she only knows that she has to stay and she has to sleep and try to make sure that Camila---

 

Camila.

 

“What’s her full name?”

 

“Karla Camila Cabello.” Normani replies.

 

“Where are her parents?”

 

“We can call them as soon as we leave and they’ll probably come.”

 

“Okay.” Lauren nods with finality and Ally and Normani look to one another before leaving.

 

Lauren rests her head in her hands and leans over the bed. Camila’s resting with her hands above the thin blanket. Her eyes shut and her long brown hair tucked to one side of her body.

 

“What happened, Camila?” Lauren begins speaking. She doesn’t wait for a response, knowing there won’t be one. “Do you even like Camila? Or do you prefer Karla?” Lauren tries to smile then.

 

“I’ll ask next time we’re in a dream together.” Lauren mumbles, knowing that what happened never _should_  have happened.

 

“Wake up soon, love.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, yeah okay, next chapter tonight if you guys kudos and comment and whatnot! <3
> 
> Also, shout out to any fic written by nouf and marina. Comment and let me know if you guys want to recommend any other fic for me to read. (:


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 4:

 

Lauren hasn’t slept.

 

It’s been nearly three hours and she knows Camila’s doing okay because of her breathing, but she also knows that the coma needs to wear off fully so that she can look into Lauren’s owns and they can properly start the transformation.

 

She finds it odd that she wants to climb into bed with Camila; Camila who looks fragile and tired and worn. She wants to wrap her arms around her and protect her from whatever it was that was hurting her in the first place. She wonders if Camila is dreaming, dreaming of her.

 

It’s been three hours since Lauren’s walked into this white room and seen her soulmate in this medical state and it’s been exactly three hours of aching pain. Lauren wants to cry, she wants to sob, but she feels a strength she’s never known she has and she knows that these are the effects of knowing Camila is _hers_.

 

She’s taught about this for a few years now, she’s studied every single detail of allagí̱, but it is a minute comparison to what it actually _feels_  like. The burst of happiness she had encountered in that small, entirely too short dream was more happiness than she had ever felt in her life.

 

Now, she feels pain. She feels those nightmares she had been having come back tenfold. She feels a gaping emptiness that she’s fighting back to the corners of her mind as she looks at Camila’s face and knows that there’s more to this than emptiness and sorrow. That there’s more to how she’s feeling than the aching she feels in her heart and spreads through her blood, her veins, and into her limbs.

 

Camila has been feeling it too and whatever it is that she’s feeling will subside from the both of them soon enough.

 

They are meant to heal one another, to share whatever pain may come their way.

 

These thoughts fly through her mind in a circle, a cycle she knows will continue until Camila wakes and she can cry or laugh or smile with her. For now, she decides that climbing onto the small bed meant for one is the best idea, despite seeing the cot in the other corner of the room.

 

She needs to be close to Camila.

 

Carefully, she lifts the thin blanket over the younger girl’s body and slides her body in, hoping to not cause any trouble. She props her head up on her elbow and looks at the girl’s face, aware that she’s completely and utterly smitten. She thinks it’s the oddest feeling, to feel like your bones are aching from pain and yet feel completely content at the same time. She supposes that’s what it’s meant to be like, despite the situation being out of the ordinary.

 

She carefully lays her head down on Camila’s shoulder and uses her right hand to hold Camila’s left. She delicately runs her thumb over the girl’s palm and around her fingers, alternating around knuckles and back to the sensitive skin of her palm.

 

Remembering that dream, (not that she could forget, she met Camila there in this life and that’s unforgettable), she thinks that singing would be a good idea. Maybe, because Camila’s voice sounded beautiful in that theater and maybe because she a part of her _gut_  is telling her that it will help. She sings the first thing that comes to mind, the most ridiculous thing.

 

 

_I'm gonna pick up the pieces,_

_And build a Lego house_

_If things go wrong we can knock it down_

A song she heard not long ago, but one she used to adore as a child. It’s appropriate considering the situation.

 

She stops before starting the next verse, hearing the door click open she turns to see Ally coming in.

 

“Don’t stop, I just saw a spike in Camila’s heart rate, that’s all.” Ally says, knowing in her head that it’s more than likely a good thing, considering it means that Camila _is_ responding to Lauren. The drugs that induced the coma must be wearing off, if not all gone.

 

“Her parents are actually in the building. I think they’re just speaking to Mani, now.” Ally gives Lauren an easy smile before approaching her.

 

“How’re you feeling, Laur?” Ally asks, switching to more of a friend than a doctor.

 

“I’m okay. I mean, as okay as I can be.” Lauren replies, raising Camila’s hand up to graze her lips across the younger girl’s knuckles. They both turn their gaze to the monitor that tracks Camila’s heart rate as the beeps get louder.

 

“Is she okay?”

 

“It’s the same thing that was happening before, she’s just responding to you, do you feel your heart picking up too?” Ally asks, not wanting to just grasp Lauren’s arm to feel her pulse.

 

Lauren hadn’t thought about the connection being that deep already, but focuses on her heart and can hear the beating through her ears. “Mhm.”

 

“I think she’s going to wake up soon.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

“Are you hurting?” Ally asks, curious because of the way Lauren’s nearly curled into Camila’s body.

 

Lauren only nods in response, laying her head back down on Camila’s shoulder, hearing the steady heartbeat of her love? Is it odd to think of Camila as her love, already?

 

“Keep singing to her, she’ll wake soon enough.” Ally says, smiling sympathetically once again before leaving the room to find her wife and Camila’s parents.

 

Lauren waits till the door clicks shut and closes her eyes, focusing on the feel of Camila, alive and safe underneath her, not worrying about the fact that the two have yet to fully meet, pushing the worrying to the corners of her mind.

 

 

  
_I'm out of touch, I'm out of love_

_I'll pick you up when you're getting down_

_And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now_

_I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind_

_I'll do it all for you in time_

_And out of all these things I've done I think I love you better now, now_

 

She sings the song, pushing back the tears she feels trying to escape. She won’t cry. Hearing the door open again she sees a Normani smile at her before stepping aside to allow an older man, a woman, and a young girl probably no less than fourteen years old holding hands with a boy around the same age.

 

She moves to sit up, knowing this _is_  Camila’s family, but stops when she feels the hand she was holding squeeze her own. Lauren turns her head fast and sees Camila’s face, eyebrows furrowed, but eyes yet to open.

 

The Cabellos move to crowd around the end of the bed, knowing by the look on Lauren’s face that something has happened.

 

Lauren squeezes Camila’s hand back and waits patiently. Normani walks around behind Lauren to grab a glass of water with a straw and moves back to the other side of the bed to wait to see if Camila would need it.

 

“Why’d you stop?” Camila’s husky voice cracks through the silence, easily. Lauren almost sighs out in relief and feels Camila’s hand move up her arm. She doesn’t know it till Camila’s traced a path up to her face and she’s cupping her cheek that she’s crying.

 

Camila’s eyes flutter open then, knowing that her partner is there, having felt her presence as she gained consciousness.

 

A flurry of things happen then: Camila’s eyes are fully a light brown, she locks eyes with the green of her sýntrofos, and their hearts pick up at an almost dangerous pace.

 

Camila feels the tears well up as well, and she doesn't know what posses her to do it or why she forgets the audience in the room, but she leans forward and kisses her partner's cheek, the tears salty in her lips.

 

Lauren sighs once she feels the pressure of Camila's lips, cracked and dry from the lack of water, on her and almost allows the weight of gravity to crash upon them.

 

"Not to ruin the moment or anything---" Camila mumbles into Lauren's hair, "---but, what's your name?"

 

Lauren laughs then, full and whole and the smile that breaks onto her face reminds Camila of the feeling she would get when she stood in front of an audience and sang her absolute favorite song.

 

"Lauren. Lauren Michele Jauregui." Camila smiles back, feeling like something in her clicked into place. "Lauren."

 

Lauren nods at Camila's antics.

 

"It's my new favorite name." Camila responds before coughing, her dry lips eager for water.

 

Camila closes her eyes again, tired from the emotions that just coursed through her body. "Your parents are here." Lauren says, aware that it'll make Camila happy as well. She also _feels_  it.

 

"Get some rest, honey. We'll be here when you wake." Sinu responds, knowing that her daughter must be exhausted, but happy that she witnessed the scene that had played out so delicately in front of her.

 

Lauren rests her head on Camila's before kissing her cheek and brushing her hair back.

 

A few moments later she realizes that Camila's family had left the room, more than likely to give them privacy. As much as she doesn't want to move from her spot, she knows she should speak to them, looks forward to it, really.

 

Exiting as quietly as possible she sends one last look at Camila before shutting the door and heading down the corridor to where she knows the food is.

 

She scans the area with her eyes first, hoping to see Normani's head and her white lab coat, but instead catches who she recognizes as Camila'a younger sister.

 

She walks over in strides, not sure what exactly she wants to say. Once she arrived at the table they're all eating at she decides to just say, "hi."

 

It's timid and Lauren would laugh at herself and her mother would surely chastise her for being so unsure.

 

"Lauren!" Alejandro Cabello says, turning to face the younger woman.

 

"Please sit." Sinu says, pulling out the chair beside her that is free. She does, gaining confidence by the second, knowing that her soul is tied to Camila’s own, knowing that these two people would understand that more than anyone.

 

“How’re you doing?” Lauren’s almost taken aback by the question, because they’re caring despite it being _their_  daughter in that room on that bed.

 

“I’m better, she’s better.” She responds a few second later.

 

“We know, and we have to thank you for that.” Alejandro responds for the both of them, knowing his wife is near tears from relief.

 

“I’m glad we found each other.”

 

“Right timing, I suppose.” Sofi butts in, trying to lighten the mood.

 

“Perfect timing.” Sinu adds.

 

Lauren doesn’t know why she thought she needed to be shy or anything of that like, mostly she’s feeling the same thing Sinu is. Relief. Her love is okay. She also knows that Sinu and Alejandro, whom she had known from the documents she had read from Normani when consulting the case, are kind people, more so than she’s had the pleasure of knowing, the older woman reminding her of her own mother.

 

She knows Camila is going to be like this as well.

 

Lauren stands up and excuses herself from the table, hungry and wanting to get food for Camila before heading back. She asks Sinu what would be appropriate to get her daughter and Sinu cracks a smile before saying pizza.

 

After ordering she quickly walks back to Camila's room before slowing down when she sees her two friends hovering outside of it speaking in hushed tones. She approaches cautiously, knowing that she'd intuitively _know_  if something was wrong with Camila, but frightened nonetheless.

 

"They could be right."

 

"I won't tell them anything is wrong until we know that something is, Ally."

 

"Be a doctor here, Mani, not a friend." Ally warns softly. Lauren wants to back away, but doesn't. She stands there waiting for them to notice her presence and hoping that nothing is truly wrong.

 

"I don't know if the others are right." Normani says once again, frustratingly.

 

"But, if there's a possibility we have to act on it. Be proactive." Ally responds, trying to calm Normani.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY AO3 IS COOPERATING.
> 
> DID YA LIKE IT? MESSAGE ME, COMMENT, KUDOS OR WHATEVER BUT DO SOMETHING SO I KNOW SORRY ALL CAPS I'M SO HYPER.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 5:

 

"I don't know if the others are right." Normani says once again, frustratingly.

 

"But, if there's a possibility we have to act on it. Be proactive." Ally responds, trying to calm Normani.

 

“I don’t want to---” Normani turns around as if to walk away, but is struck with the site of Lauren in front of her.

 

“Hi.” Lauren says, waiting for Normani to speak and tell her what could possibly be going on.

 

“Laur.” Normani responds. Not knowing what else to do Ally moves beside Normani, hoping that her wife will make the best decision.

 

“What’s wrong?” Lauren inquires, trying not to elevate her worry.

 

“Ally has a theory, that’s all.”

 

“She has a right to know all the possibilities.” Ally says, looking at Lauren kindly.

 

“Just tell me, Mani. There’s no point in holding back.” She wants to be able to protect Camila wholly, not just in the sense of the transformation, but by being ready for all possibilities.

“We spend up the process, right? So Ally and a few of the other doctors are concerned that we’ve tempered a bit too much with it. It’s our first case of this ever happening and we’re lucky that I knew the both of you so that you guys wouldn’t have lost one another, we just don’t have any idea if or what will happen after this.” Normani says, motioning with her hands in a show of nervousness that’s unusual for the young doctor.

 

“What do you mean exactly?”

 

“She just means that we don’t know if your dreams will become more erratic or if the entire process will speed up or slow down. We know that Camila is getting better a lot faster than expected, and we can guess that physiologically you two will be fine, it’s more the mental and emotional connection we’re worried about.” Ally clarifies.

 

“Is there anything I can do to prevent or fix it or anything?” The professor asks, worried about what that might entail.

 

“Not really, no.” Normani finishes.

 

“Then I guess I”ll just go back in there and be by her side.” Lauren smiles at the two, not wanting them to feel bad for the situation, if anything she’s still incredibly grateful for having found Camila at all.

 

\--------------------

 

“Lo?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I think you fell asleep on my shoulder.” Camila watches as Lauren’s eyes blink open tiredly, unaccustomed to the dim light of the room and the setting in its entirety.

 

“Oops?”

 

“Don’t be sorry, silly.”

 

“I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

 

“I’m glad you did. Remember anything?” Camila mumbles, using her free arm to grab the water beside the small bed.

 

“Did we?” Lauren begins, sitting up slowly, hair falling to the side as she gazes into Camila’s brown eyes. Brown eyes. Beautiful goofy brown eyes.

 

“I think we had our first memory.” Camila replies, smiling as Lauren’s face does the same.

 

“I guess it was our last lifetime? I just remember us at the ballet.” Lauren adds, leaning down to rest her head back onto Camila’s shoulder.

 

“Mhm, ballet. You took me and I guess we had a really good time.”

 

“I want to do that again.”

 

“Again?”

 

“Mhm, when I get you outta here we’re going to go to the ballet and you’re going to---” Lauren pauses, leaning up again to hover over Camila. “What do you want to do?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I teach, at the Uni, but what do you do?” Lauren finds it very odd that she’s caught asking Camila things like this, because usually couples get to do this over dates and they’re caught here at the med building doing it in a hospital bed, not that she’s really complaining. It’s kinda cool that it’s unique to them.

 

“I teach kids how to sing, if they want. Mostly, I want to sing on my own.”

 

“You should. Your voice is just....”

 

“You wouldn’t know.”

 

“On the contrary, remember how we met?”

 

“That was pretty cool.” Camila responds, looking at Lauren, her widows peak evident when the girl has yet to comb her hair over. There are a lot of things about Lauren she doesn’t know. She wants to though, she wants to know everything.

 

“You know your eyes were just as bright in that dream as they are now?” Camila says. She wants to sing songs about those shades.

 

“You’re awfully romantic for someone in the med ward.”

 

“I just kinda of fell in love with this woman.”

 

“Her name?”

 

“Jauregui something.” Camila replies. She motions to sit up and the two woman do so.

 

“Funny, but are you hungry?”

 

“Starving really.”

 

“Feel like going for a walk?”

 

“In a few? Still kind of groggy.” Lauren nods her head and moves to stand up, but stops when Camila’s hand circles her wrist. She looks back and sees Camila nervously chewing at her lip.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Stay with me for a little longer?”

“Wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

 

“Speaking of anywhere else, shouldn’t you have gone back to work at some point?”

 

“No, I’m on leave because it’s kinda of important to be here.”

 

“That’s true.” Camila says rolling her eyes and laughing the moment she hears Lauren laughing. Laughter. She wants to sing about Lauren’s laughter too.

 

“You know what’s crazy?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“That I already feel as though you’re the most familiar thing I’ve ever known.” Lauren blinks at Camila’s admission, caught in the words and understanding the complexity behind it. It’s overwhelming, as she had thought before, the feelings and connection have created a sense of grounding and----

 

The older woman realizes there’s no real word to capture what she feels and the limits that are being broken and explored at the same time. There’s no word to explain how quickly she’s fallen for Camila Cabello.

 

“Is it terrible to say I feel the same way?” Lauren replies after a few moments, caught up in her own thoughts.

 

“No, but honesty is the best policy or something like that.”

 

“In that case, can I be honest about something else?” Lauren asks, not sure if she really should speak about what she’s been thinking since she’s spent the past few days with Camila. She knows, as a professor who specializes and has written about all things allagí, that Ally was right, they are moving incredibly fast.

 

“Always.”

 

“I’ve wanted to kiss you since we got up.” Caution to the wind, she may be a professor and she may know the facts, but this is different.

 

Camila looks at Lauren in something akin to awe. The older girl can see the way Camila’s brown eyes dilate. “I’m sorry.”

 

“No, no. I don’t want you to be sorry---” Camila moves so that she’s only a few inches in front of Lauren. She takes hold of Lauren’s right hand and runs her thumb over the girl’s knuckle, just as Lauren had done for her. “It’s just that I think it’s kinda scary that I think that too? We’re not supposed to want that yet are we?”

 

“Not usually? We’ve only been together for a few days and it usually can take weeks, but I just really feel like I need you all the time.” Lauren admits, almost shy in her demeanor.

 

“Can I, then?” Camila asks, voice extremely low and heart racing. Lauren doesn't know what she’s referring to at first until she ducks her head down to catch Camila’s gaze.

 

She takes the lead on her own. Moving forward in the slightest she tugs Camila’s hand until they’re breathing the same air.

 

Lauren’s never kissed anyone, most people don’t kiss anyone beside their sýntrofos. Oddly enough, despite the fast pace at which their transformation is going and the way her heart is beating in sync with Camila’s, she feels at peace. Camila’s right, this is familiar.

 

When their lips touch Camila’s filled with a rush of _everything_  she’s ever felt. Pain, sorrow, joy, hope. It’s a million feelings she can’t identify and one that she’s sure of; comfort.

 

Lauren tastes like comfort and her lips, the way they push against hers and how she’s being held right now, arms around her waist and eyes shut tight she can see all of it, all that they’ve felt together and first kisses between a pair are suppose to be like this, and her mom told her so when she was younger, but Lauren---

 

“Wow.”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have to update remedy and write those drabbles omfg so much to write so little time also would you guys do me a huge freakin favor? 
> 
> head over to j0urneytothepast.tumblr.com and tell elena (my gf) happy anniversary? she's my muse and the reason i write so much fluff. thanks y'all
> 
> comments make me happy ily


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